I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
