need another drink. this is the easiest way
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
