If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
