new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize