I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
