I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
