my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
