I can tuck mytits in my pants
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize