just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Everclear isn't food dammit
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
