Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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