I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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