i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
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Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
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he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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