either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
