Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
