They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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