Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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