not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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