Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
