Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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