I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
