I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
