Grow some girl-balls and come out already
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
