Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
