Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
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He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
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He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
COCAINE IS GR8
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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