what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
