Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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