Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think people are normalizing furries
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
