someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
