Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
