Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
