I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
