i just made my gag reflex go away.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
