porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
