The best revenge is premature balding
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
