Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
