i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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