Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
