I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
