she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
