I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
