I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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