Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
This house was built for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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