he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
