Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
