she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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