Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
