No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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