If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Sober January is a disaster.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
