Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
