fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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