your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
