In the future we'll all be gay
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He better not be in your backpack
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
