how can u be prego again
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
