why didn't you poke me back
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
