We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
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Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
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There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
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