you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
