i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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