that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she peed on how many people?
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And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
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I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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