I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
