I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
