Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
