It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
